You'll want to know what causes insecurity in a relationship. An insecure partner can feel like a millstone, But how would you know if you have. Feeling insecure is bound to be a part of any new relationship: Insecurities about whether or not someone will like you, whether they'll. When you've securely fastened your seatbelt, you know for a fact that when you drive there won't be an issue when you suddenly hit the breaks. It means youve.
She could go from the sweetest, most caring human in the world, to full blown Medusa status within seconds. It was some Dr. MAN she was hot though, so hot. I had NO freaking idea what I was doing. But at the time, I was young and impressionable, I thought I was madly in love and maybe — just maybe I thought I could save her from herself. And did I mention she was hot? ANYWAYS — it took me a long time to realize, but this relationship left me with many scars and unexamined baggage that would set the tone for some of my future relationships.
Before I learned how to utilize some coping mechanisms however, I had to first understand what it was exactly. It essentially stemmed from two key things: These of course can be exacerbated by the intense feelings we have for our significant other; as the more feelings we develop, the more we think we stand to lose.
So I experimented and did some research and found some coping mechanisms.
5 Tactics I Use To Cope With Relationship Insecurity
Here are a few simple, effective action steps you can take when you feel those insecurities begin to creep in. The problem is, the volume of this inner critic can be turned way up when we are dealing with things that really matter to us — like romantic relationships. Very very rarely however, does this inner critic guide us in the right direction. A lot of times, it can lead to out of character controlling behavior as well as feelings of jealousy and neediness.
So be aware of the things it is telling you.
When those unproductive thoughts do pop up in your head, allow them to come and go. When I started practicing mindfulness, it helped me detach from that aggravating voice and the shitty, disempowering things it was telling me about myself.
We now know that a healthy body creates better conditions for a healthy mind, and walking has actually been shown to improve reasoning and alleviate feelings of stress. I implemented this simple practice in my last relationship and it worked wonders — whenever I began to feel insecure or anxious, I would leave my phone on my bed and go for a nice, long walk.
Having to know whether your partner really loves you, having to know this or having to know that puts a lot of unnecessary strain and tension into the relationship. The fact is, we all have to live with uncertainty. Insecure people can still feel insecure even when they are told they are loved. Wanting what is not possible complete and utter certainty in all and everything forever is not possible because imagination can still make up doubts.
So stop looking for certainty where it doesn't apply.
Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships
Self-assurance comes from starting to relax with uncertainty. Wanting to know for certain that someone will be with you forever prevents you enjoying the here and now. Nothing in life is certain.
Your relationship needs room to breathe. Schedule in some 'separate time' and just see it for what it is. The developing flower needing space to grow isn't a sign that it is heading for collapse. If they say one thing don't assume they mean another. If they say nothing don't assume that their silence is significant, either.
Many men relax by not talking. Constantly wondering and asking what someone is thinking is a dead end because even if they do tell, will you believe them anyway? When you stop doing it, you really begin to respect someone's privacy because everyone deserves the right to have space to think their own thoughts. Constantly asking, "What are you thinking? Some people do this with whole relationships.
Because they were in a relationship with someone who was abusive, very critical or dishonest, or who left them, they respond to a new partner defensively or angrily when, in fact, the new partner is not really like the old one at all.
The extreme form of this 'sloppy comparison' can lead to destructive over-generalizations such as, "All men are lying bastards! Write next to this list all the ways your current partner is different and review this list regularly. This will help you to stop assuming that the future has to be like the past. Seek self-assurance Rather than always looking to the other person to make you feel secure in your relationship, get into the habit of reassuring yourself.
Start to challenge your own fears and imaginings rather than just accepting them. What real evidence is there for this fear?
- Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships
And even if this relationship did end, I'm strong enough to go through it and ride it and will have learnt things from it.
What we fear will be 'the end of the world' if it happens never really is. Sit down, close your eyes, and strongly imagine feeling relaxed and secure around your partner.
5 Tactics I Use To Cope With Relationship Insecurity
This will train your brain to feel that "whatever happens, I'll be okay. Insecure people look for signs of what's not working. I want you to look for signs of what is. Doing this will get you and your partner feeling naturally more positive.
No meaningful relationship will always totally work all the time. Being too black or white about relationships spells trouble. There are always some difficulties, but keep focussing on what is good. This doesn't mean that you have to accept anyone who will accept you, even if they are obviously not right for you. But it does mean that if there are occasional problems, you don't have to 'throw the baby out with the bathwater' and become so destructive that the relationship ends or so clingy that your partner ends it for you.
Emma learned to relax and enjoy her relationship. She stopped feeling she had to control what her partner thought or did and her new laidback attitude made it easier for their love to genuinely blossom.
A good relationship is there for you to enjoy together, to share resources and develop together in healthy ways. If someone really does treat you badly or lies and cheats, then feeling insecure is a natural and justified response. However, if you're actually in a generally good relationship, then follow these tips because what you have is precious. But possibly not as precious as the knowledge that whatever happens, you can relax because you'll be okay.
Do you think you're driving your partner away but can't seem to stop? About Mark Tyrrell Psychology is my passion. I've been a psychotherapist trainer sincespecializing in brief, solution focused approaches.