Ask Ammanda: My stepdaughter is ruining our relationship | Relate
I have always had sort-of a rocky relationship with my step-daughter, but .. It tears up families; causes problems that families shouldn't have to. Because, the research shows us, you have enough problems already-role ambiguity, Historically, marriage was indeed about creating a labor force of two who. Another asks for advice on how to deal with a teenage stepdaughter who . causes more problems; we know 50% of second relationships split.
It certainly sounds to me like she has a very close relationship there and honestly most 14 year old girls, given a choice, would choose the 'real' mom over 'dad's wife'. This is one of the very, very big reasons that God hates divorce. It tears up families; causes problems that families shouldn't have to ever deal with, and usually when a remarriage occurs causes even more problems with blending that a strong, healthy couple who are joined in a godly marriage don't ever have to deal with.
However, all that being said, it's done! You need to sit down and pray for wisdom. Then you need to take a good hard look at all the reasons that there might be this rejection and then go talk to your husband and work out a plan that addresses as many of the issues as you and he have control over. As I previously stated, I wouldn't be a bit suprised that your name is pretty much spoken of with derision in the mother's household.
You don't have any control over that, but you do have control over how much you are going to let it ruin your day. Just using one of your examples, let me give you a much better way to handle it. To try and mend things a bit, I got my step-daughter a tablet for Christmas. To which her response when she opened the gift, "What do I need this for? I just got a kindle and an ipod from my mom. Rather than thanking me for the gift and accepting it, she acts like a spoiled brat and practically throws it in my face.
This obviously did not help our relationship any. It would seem that under the circumstances the tablet wasn't such a good choice and here also, even if it is the better device, the daughter is showing that she obviously thinks more highly of the gifts that her mom got her over yours.
Handle it like one. You graciously smile and say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I know how popular they are and thought that you'd like one, but I can see that the kindle and ipod really do duplicate this gift so what say you and I, I've got the receipt here somewhere, take it back and you choose something you'd rather have.
We can have lunch together at the mall. You get angry and you get hurt. Even though you know in your heart that she desires her 'real' mother's gifts over yours and even her presence, you just can't grow up and say to yourself.
I'm about to leave my husband over my step-daughter | Christian Forums
But I don't think you fully appreciate your position in her life. I remember my father marrying a girl my age later on in his life and at one point he told me, "Son, you know, Mary Ann would really like it if you'd call her mom. She didn't grow up with me; she doesn't really know anything about me; she never changed my diapers and helped me to walk and saw to it that I got fed before going off to school; she didn't wash my clothes and buy the gym outfit and help me sell the stuff for band, etc.
Life is just busier and time together is often hard to get. When some of those children are not your own and may actually resent you being a part of their family, it is hard to find quality time as a couple.
I love him, but not his kids
It requires a lot of maturity, patience, self-confidence and grit to get through the feeling of exclusion, let go of hurt and resentment and keep the positive thinking and behaving alive. Here are some tips for couples with step children to use to protect their marriage.
Set a positive tone. Look for what is good and acknowledge it. Let go of the negative whenever you can. Recognize that success is measured one experience at a time. Giant steps are celebrated but small steps must be noticed and appreciated as well. Protect time for the marriage.
Find ways to spend time together each day or night to just keep each other updated on your love map…what is going on in your lives individually as well as a couple. There are physiological reasons to touch, kissing and sex that aid in bonding and overall good will.
Give each other the benefit of the doubt. Believe that neither of you is an opponent and that you both want the same for your family, you may just think about it or go about it in different ways. Talk a lot about parenting. While your partner may value discipline and structure over nurturing and you value nurturing and communication, neither is inherently better and neither of you has the best answer for all of the children.
In the long-run, this will actually help your marriage and your relationship with your step-children.