Why I’m Friends With My Ex-Mother in Law After Divorce
Is it Proper to Continue Giving Gifts to my Ex-Mother In Law,ex-etiquette People are family for a huge portion of your life, the relationship that created that. I've been divorced for three years, and my mother is still hoping it's just a phase. having a friendly relationship with your ex and/or his or her family can be very Connecting with "ex-laws" on pre-determined dates defuses. Naturally the relationship with in-laws will change once you're divorced. A recently divorced mother will need to be prepared for a number of.
Having A Relationship With In-Laws After Divorce
He had a good relationship with his father and stepmother, and everyone told the same story. Patterns of verbal abuse in my marriage When I left my husband, the verbal abuse had grown so bad that I dreaded coming home from work. Would he wrap his arms around me while I stood at the stove cooking dinner or direct nasty comments at my cooking skills and bland palate? If I complained about work, would he call me stupid? His parents blamed me if he forgot their birthdays, even though I would have reminded him three times to send a card.
I was at fault for his weight gain during grad school, too, and for his deteriorating health. His responses to my actions after filing for divorce made no sense, either.
Even I can acknowledge the negative ways in which my tendency to be passive aggressive in confrontation played out in our marriage. A therapist I worked with for years once told me that abusive families circle the wagons and ostracize family members who break ranks.
A month ago I tracked her down on LinkedIn. Although they've made a valiant effort to maintain a relationship with me, I'm the one that has separated the old from new hurt feelings have come about -- but felt I needed to do that to disassociate myself from the past as much as I can given the circumstances in which I was divorced. As we all know, we can only control our own actions therefore if you want to maintain the relationship, you have to be the one to put in extra effort.
This means openly saying to your in-laws something along the lines of, "We have been family for X number of years and I would like to continue our relationship. I understand that there will be a lot of changes for all of us.
How a Single Mom Became Friends with Her Ex-Mother-in-Law After Divorce | ESME
What can I do to keep you a part of my life? They may be coming from a culture that practices indirect communication or be hesitant to approach you because they may think you want to disconnect.
Make it clear what you want. Also to avoid resentment, I highly recommend not talking bad about your ex to your in-laws. Even if the whole divorce was your ex's fault, you shouldn't complain to your in-laws if you want to maintain a healthy relationship with them. They may already realize your ex their family member did something horrible, but no one wants to hear anything negative about their family members even if their family member is at fault.
If the relationship was a negative one prior to the breakup, should you try and continue to maintain a relationship with in-laws and how can this be done in spite of a breakup? Unfortunately, many in-law relationships are unhealthy and negative, especially within our culture. In this situation, you still have the responsibility of maintaining at least a decent relationship with your in-laws for the benefit of your children.
There is no such thing as "too much love" for kids so try to keep your in-laws involved in your kids' lives.
That might mean, calling them to invite them to birthday parties or sending your kids over to their house for holidays. You should avoid saying anything negative about your in-laws and your ex to your kids.
Having A Relationship With In-Laws After Divorce | HuffPost Canada
I would hope your in-laws and ex would also avoid saying negative things about you but there is that possibility that they won't hold their tongue. Maybe you should consider talking to your in-laws and making it clear that you plan on maintaining a relationship with them for your kids' sake. Also, gently request that all parties involved not say negative things about each other in the presence of kids and that you would like to maintain open communication.
If this is too uncomfortable for you, consider having a third party or therapist involved as a mediator to negotiate the relationship. Everyone has a responsibility toward the children involved.
How have you managed your relationship with in-laws after divorce?