Is Your Relationship Low-Key Or On the Down Low? | HelloBeautiful
Other DL men form romantic relationships with men and may even be .. Web casts, which he says feature ''the most masculine DL brothers in. Three years into my marriage, I discovered that my husband had AIDS. He was a Down Low Brother--a man who has sex with men, does not consider numerous Gay websites, called several HIV outreach organizations. Rob prefers getting together with other married men on the DL, as opposed to He was an older married guy who I met on a gay website. “I would be afraid of telling someone I had a relationship with a man,” he admits.
How could I ever trust anyone again? Why would he do this to me? Yes, he knew of his HIV status. Yes, he knew or suspected that he was gay. And yes, he still asked me to marry him! Regardless, I wanted to know how he could he do this to me.
In my journey to find the answer to this question, I researched numerous Gay websites, called several HIV outreach organizations, interviewed gay Black men, and talked to women infected with HIV from boyfriends or husbands living on the Down Low. I talked to just about everyone. And, as a result I came up with three reasons as to what happened to me and why.
My first assumption stems from certain taboos ignored by the Black community, which has encouraged an atmosphere of secrecy-until death. Keep it somewhere else--like in a closet. The Black community has been slow in addressing the issue of homosexuality. We have ignored the gay brothers in our community. The Black church has preached judgment, not acceptance to these men. Gay Black men live in fear of what family members and friends will think and how they will react to their lifestyle.
My DownLow Husband | Black Star News
My husband of three years wanted to die, and was willing to take me with him rather than face the truth about who he was and what he had. Despite having job security and excellent health benefits, he still avoided getting treated.
Testing would have been confirmation of his lifestyle. The lives of Black men are of little value in our society as a whole, but the lives of Black gay men are valued even less, particularly, in the Black community. Compassion, not judgment needs to be served up in a major way. Our Black gay men are hurting and living in a private hell.
My second assumption reveals that many DL men hide in heterosexual relationships to alleviate social pressures. Being in a relationship or marriage can put him in a more socially acceptable position. This issue is now at the forefront of mainstream Black America, better yet America in general. But, no one is digging deeper and no one is offering solutions. While I admit giving women tips on how to recognize a Down Low Brother is important, there is no concrete description of a Down Low brother.
If his immediate family members are in denial as well then they are going to perpetuate the lie. Some people want what they want and they will use anyone or anything to get it. I know this sounds elementary, but some people are just plain crazy. I do not think being a habitual liar and manipulator is in any way linked to your sexuality.
But, according to the CDC there are thousands of women who are walking away with positive test results. However, some health officials will argue this is more a behavioral problem and not malicious intent to infect Black women with HIV. I agree with this notion to some degree. Women should begin insisting that their partners, married couples included, go for periodic HIV testing. Until there is concrete evidence to justify the increase in infection rates among Black women, no method of prevention can be ruled out.
As for homosexuality in the Black community, dialogue has to begin. These men and women should no longer be made to feel that death is the preferred option over life. As a result of my encounter, I view Gay or Down Low men in a very different way. I view them with compassion, not sympathy. Baby Talk- Does your lady talk with her friends in an intimate way?
Heterosexual women speak with each other a certain way, and anytime this veers of the path certainly this is something to look into.
Especially if she has particular friends that get the special attention voice, you know, like the one she use to give you before your relationship got stale.
Arguments and Fights- Again if your girl and her friends are having strange arguments she could be on the DL. For example, if their argument is about calling late, or not at all for a day, you have to ask yourself what kind of relationship is this that your girl has to check in with another chick.
And just like in the mens case, watch how she interacts with you Fellas. But if she is constantly picking fights with you or trying to belittle you, she could be your girls lover. Strange Smells and stains in strange places. These are all strange stains and smells that are instant red flags if you should ever stumble upon them.
Your man should never come home with his penis smelling like hot boiled over fecal matter, burned poop infused rubber or none of the above. Your man should also never have a hint of semen on his breath. Your man should never come home with fecal matter on the front of his underwear pants or anything like that iv. Your man should never have a semen stain on the back of his shirt. Fellas your woman should never come home with these stains or smells because if they do, get the flash light, somebody is hiding on the DL.
Your lady should never come home with vaginal discharge on her shoulders, face or neck region. If your girls breathe smells like a vagina, chances are that is what she ate for lunch. Sexual preferences Ladies, sometimes you get a hold to a real Tiger freak who loves to sexually explore and he is into whatever makes your toes curl collectively.
However, a heterosexual freak has his limits. Anal Sex — I am aware that some straight men like anal sex, but if your man likes anal sex more than vaginal sex, he is on the DL. She could be on the DL. If your penis is too big, OUCH, that is why.
But if you have felt the vaginal walls contracting around your penis, and know for certain that you have caused her to orgasm, but she would rather ride your face, ummmm yeah this is suspect behavior. If she is overly into receiving oral sex, this is not normal for heterosexual relationships as most women look at oral sex as a warm up not Main Course.
Any Out Homosexuals in the group of friends? Both men and women need to keep an eye on their mates who have same sex, out of the closet homosexual friends. As a man, what do you have in common with another man who enjoys sex with men? What bars do you go to? Surely your gay friend would want to be around or socialize with his people every once and a while.
There are not many straight men that would adhere to his program. Women may have an out same sex friend, as women tend to be more open when it comes to this kind of thing. But again, if your girl is supporting her homosexual friend to the point that it interferes with your relationship, there is a high probability that she is DL.
Relationships: How To Spot a Down Low Brother
Pride Week and Weekend, your mate goes missing. Last but not least, this is for both men and women i. When pride weak roles around as it does every year in many major American cities, and all of a sudden your mate is going out with his boys, or a chick with her homies, your significant other may be living a Down Low lifestyle.