Why Does She Keep Bringing Up the Past? - Modern Love Counseling™
Early on in one of my past relationships, my ex-boyfriend began says the best time to bring up the topic is on or around the third date, but. A woman will bring up things from the past because she wants you to understand and So why do women bring up the past in relationships?. Here are some common reasons why she may keep bringing up the past . she is struggling with things external to you and your relationship.
Unfortunately, using guilt never gives us what we really wish to accomplish.
Bringing Up the Past
Instead of building the intimacy we crave, attacking our partner with guilt pulls us apart. In healthy relationships there is no position of power. There isn't any fear of attack. Both partners can be open and honest with each other, nurtured in a safe environment where they are valued and card for.
Why Does She Keep Bringing Up the Past?
Ask yourself why you feel threatened in this relationship. Is there something in the past that you cannot forgive? Is there a good reason for you to be afraid? Do you have trouble trusting people? Do you suffer from low self-esteem? Do you feel that the relationship is moving too quickly? Take some time to get to the root of your fear and ask yourself: Is this relationship worth it?
Do I want to be in this relationship? What is holding me back? If your partner is using guilt as a weapon against you, find out why you are allowing yourself to be treated this way.
It may mean that you need to keep your distance and not be together; it is better to be alone than to be in an abusive relationship. If you feel that you deserve to be treated this way, I encourage you to seek out a counselor to find out why. A relationship is only worth being in if both partners are free to be who they are.
You cannot love or be loved properly in an environment where guilt is used as a weapon. It cannot last for the long haul. Intimacy, like trust, has to be built.
It takes conscious choices and effort from both partners, but the result is definitely worth it. Need hope and encouragement? You don't have to face this alone. Just fill out the form in the "Connect" tab below. You can use your real name or a fake one. Or perhaps you're the one who can't focus and constantly references past events. Either way, it's a bad habit that needs to be broken.
Here are 3 reasons why you shouldn't bring up the past in arguments.
It creates resentment Every time you bring up that thing your husband did 3 years ago, it not only derails the discussion, but it creates a lot of resentment. Being unable to forgive someone for the past means you're constantly rejecting that part of them.
People make mistakes, it's a fact. In other for healing to occur you have to learn to let go. The next time you feel the urge to bring up something that isn't related to the discussion, stop it! You'll find that you are able to communicate much more effectively and your partner with appreciate that too. It prevents the real issue from being discussed If you're arguing about something, then it's obvious there is an underlying issue.
It may not be what you think it is, but it exists nonetheless.
3 Reasons Why You Should Avoid Discussing the Past in Arguments
Every time you bring up the past, you prevent discussion of what's really going on. In order for anything good to come out of a disagreement, the real issue must be kept in mind. Forget about why you started arguing, and you'll spiral off into a mindless mud slinging fest. How many times have you forgotten the real reason that you're arguing?