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Girls Aliens Food by The Simple Carnival, released 19 December 1. Really Really Weird 2. Keeping it Quiet 3. Caitlin's on the Beach 4. Cocktails 5. Flirt 6. Listen to and buy The Simple Carnival music on CD Baby. Buy the CD Girls Aliens Food by The Simple Carnival on the independent record store by musicians. Flirt. By The Simple Carnival. • 1 song, Play on Spotify. 1. Flirt. Featured on Listen to The Simple Carnival in full in the Spotify app. Play on .
Girls Aliens Food | The Simple Carnival
As a business consultant for one of the best known and prestigious companies in the world, I found myself surrounded by women who were beautiful, intelligent, educated, and ambitious, with killer personalities to match. Except, I had no idea how to flirt at work. One of my first days there, I decided to go invade the cubicle of one of the hottest girls working on my floor My competitor then immediately switched into talking to the girl about "important" business stuff that he probably chose conveniently to talk to her thenand I was left feeling way too obvious.
That leads us to our first two rules: Don't be too obvious. James Bond can deal with M making cracks at his expense for flirting in the office, but if you're just starting out like I wasyou probably can't just yet, and you'll end up an easy target for men who want to compete with you and women who want to brush you aside. Take everything you normally do to flirt, and dial it down a notch. If you normally lean in, very close and intimate, while flirting If you normally toss about sly grins Make people at least wonder whether you're really flirting or not - unless you have the experience and the savvy to shrug off those blows and flirt mercilessly regardless.
Don't flirt in front of other people.
Another piece of low-hanging fruit here; don't let other people spoil the party between you and that cute girl in HR because you started flirting out in the open. People will step in and rain on your parade for any number of reasons; some of them are the competition, and want to derail you from landing that sexy colleague before they can; others are just bitter and dislike flirting and flirters in general. On top of this, there's social pressure to worry about, too - while she might be flirty in private, there's a good chance she clams up when there's an audience nearby, even if it's only an audience of one.
One is all it takes to tell the whole rest of the workplace As I got my legs under me in my new job and my new place for clandestine flirtation, I soon found another very pretty girl at work who seemed like the ideal candidate for a little workplace romance.
She was fun, cute, and seemed to genuinely enjoy my sense of humor So, she and I went for lunch, and I turned on the charm hard. I was a smooth operator and she loved every minute of it. I was killing it. I didn't do anything. I'd get her another day after that. Wouldn't you know it, she got weird. But I hardly knew that then - I was just starting to piece that sort of thing together.
SIRC Guide to Flirting
I know better these days though, and that brings us to our next two office don'ts: Don't go too deep in the office. And unless you've got a private corner office you can sweep her off into without anybody noticing, and neither of you have any commitments for the rest of the day, you don't want to go getting a colleague to the point where she's ready for something to happen right now.
Because that leads to a LOT of disappointment and loss of interest in you if it doesn't And you can't take them over at work. In that case, go as deep as you please - but do make sure to please. Otherwise, it won't be any different from the usual "wrong place, wrong time" scenario. Don't do anything else to bring a colleague close to "peaking" too soon. Right along with going too deep in conversation comes anything else that can get your coworker to the point she's ready to jump your bones right now in the office Just like going too deep, making her peak too soon - with too much sexual innuendotoo much chase framingand the like - then fail to deliver, and you'll end up with a very disappointed and mildly disgusted officemate on your hands.
After I moved out to California, we had a new teammate join our team. She was spunky, pretty, and lots of fun - and I figured I'd line her up for the kill.
Unbeknownst to me though, the quiet, nerdy guy who'd been showing her around the office and getting her acquainted with our project beat me to the punch - and one night not long after she'd arrived, when the three of us were at a nightclub after hours, I walked back from grabbing drinks to find the two of them making out like junior high schoolers. I downed my drink that night and set to work running a little solo club pickup ; can't win 'em all, you know.
That leads us to our final two rules of flirting at work: Don't start driving before you know the terrain. It's impossible to ever completely know what's going on - that coworker of mine who got together with the quiet nerdy guy end up dating him for 4 or 5 months, until she broke up with him for being a little too needy.
Not long after, she went home with another colleague of ours - only, much to his dismay and her hilarity, he could not perform. I heard all of this because she and I became friends - I doubt either of these men knew about their fellow officemate a few cubicles over. Even still, get a feel for what a girl's ties are to men in the rest of the office - many of the people who flirt, date, and sleep around at work do it a fair amount, and you never know when you might be stepping on another colleague's toes - or your boss's.
Don't tell other people or announce your intentions. Goes without saying, you'd think, but I've seen some of this machismo or one-up-manship where a guy announces he's going to bed a certain new girl, and things along that line. There're all kinds of ways this can go wrong though - your colleague may get wind of this, and very well change her mind about you; you can end up looking rather weak if you "call it," and someone else who didn't say a word beats you to the punch instead.
Keep your intentions to yourself - no one else should know what they are If you respect those six rules when you flirt at work, you'll be covered - and we all know the workplace of today is all about C-Y-A sadly. Again, our six rules for office flirtation are: Don't be too obvious Don't flirt in front of other people Don't go too deep in the office Don't do anything else to bring a colleague close to "peaking" too soon Don't start driving before you know the terrain Don't tell other people or announce your intentions Mind those, and you'll be as clean as an office flirt can be which, isn't actually pristine, but is still at relatively harmless levels.
And now that the CYA is covered, let's talk about the how to. It took me a while - partly because I ended up working mostly with people just about to become retirees the average age for the people working in the branch of the U. DoD I was working in was Flirting can be a little sticky when you have a bunch of rules regulating it - one of the reasons I vastly prefer cold approach to social circle work being a social circle environment itself - but if you've done a good job making yourself attractive to the opposite sex see: How to Be a Sexy Man and you've got a solid, sexual vibe going, you've already got the necessary components for having relatively easy success in the workplace.
And if you haven't got those things yet, well But you ought to be working on having them as a top priority! There's no shortcut to office or any kind of romance quite like already having worked to turn yourself into a head turner and eye-popper. Fundamentals are 1 all day long, regardless who you are. Without further ado, here's our how-to. How to Flirt at Work If I learned anything about male-female dynamics from the working world, it's that flirting can bring both a lot of fun and a lot of frustration into your daily grind.
There's another side to it, too - the long period of time most office flirtations unfold over really heighten the emotions involved. That means you can easily run over a colleague's heart if you handle it with butterfingers I've never gotten so hung up on an officemate that it messed with my head, but I've had the reverse happen - women from the workplace that I took to bed, but who ended up going a little too crazy for me.
All that proximity, buildup, and anticipation does funny things to the mind So do be careful about this - have fun with it, but don't be a heartbreaker. Break out your sexual vibe. The sexy vibe is your 1 office environment tool for flirting at work without getting "caught. When I coach guys on this in person, I usually have to demonstrate - they tell me things like, "Well, I've been trying to include sex talk and sexual innuendo when I'm talking to girls a lot, but it just doesn't feel like it's working!
Being sexy is a way of communicating - when you're doing it right, everything you say sounds sexy.
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You can walk up to a colleague and ask, "Reports done yet? When you use normal sexual innuendo, you can too easily offend, show all your cards, be too obvious, or look like you're chasing. Instead of this, you can use chase framesa form of sexual humor in which you imply your coworker is chasing you There's always Peter [pick some guy she'd never date in a million years] over in marketing.
A side benefit of chase framing is it's easy to call off if the other party doesn't bite. So, if you tell her she's always after your reports and she gives you a boring office response back instead of flirtingit's a snap to switch back into normal office mode without having sounded overly flirty. Just like in a bar or a nightclub, a coworker when she's meeting you for the first time in an office setting is usually wondering if you're going to be a social burden or not - if you're going to be one of those people who says "hi," and then just stays and stays and stays and never leaves until she has to tell you it's time for her to get back to work.
So - especially if you're dropping by her workstation, or you're catching her in the hall somewhere - make sure your flirting is coming in short bursts.
My friend had a birthday on Friday so we all went out for that. The only one I'd have known there would be you Anyway, I've got to go see the boss - more account reconciliation stuff. Just like James Bond, you can make good use of barriers to build intrigue, up attraction, and tempt your coworker s to pursue I talked about barriers before in the article on being a challenge if you want a bit more on these.
Bond uses plenty of "if only" to add an element of mock-longing to his barriers; he's pretending to seem like a hopeless romantic, which pokes fun at the hopeless romantic archetype and paints him as ever the roguish bad boy in contrast.
Careful observation of colleagues is the best way to discover the unspoken flirting etiquette of your own workplace — but make sure that you are guided by the behaviour of the most highly regarded individuals in the company, not the office 'clown', 'groper' or 'bimbo'.
The level of flirtatious behaviour, however, often tends to be inversely related to the standards achieved by participants and their enthusiasm for the activity. You will generally find a lot of flirting among incompetent tennis players, unfit swimmers, cack-handed potters, etc. There are of course exceptions to this rule, but before joining a team or club, it is worth trying to find out if the members have burning ambitions to play in the national championships or win prestigious awards for their handiwork.
If you are mainly looking for flirting opportunities, avoid these high-flying groups, and seek out clubs full of happy, sociable under-achievers. Spectator events Although they have the advantage of providing conversation topics of mutual interest, most sporting events and other spectator pastimes such as theatre or cinema are not particularly conducive to flirting, as social interaction is not the primary purpose of the occasion, and social contact may limited to a short interval or require 'missing the action'.
The most striking exception to this rule is horseracing, where all the 'action' takes place in just a few minutes, the half-hour interval between races is dedicated to sociability, and friendly interaction between strangers is actively encouraged by racecourse etiquette.
In fact, our own recent research on the behaviour of racegoers indicates that the 'social micro-climate' of the racecourse makes it one of the best flirting environments in Britain. Who to flirt with 'Flirting for fun' At one level, you can flirt with more or less anyone. An exchange of admiring glances or a bit of light-hearted flirtatious banter can brighten the day, raise self-esteem and strengthen social bonds.
Flirtation at this level is harmless fun, and only the stuffiest killjoys could possibly have any objections. Clearly, it makes sense to exercise a degree of caution with people who are married or attached. Most people in long-term relationships can cope with a bit of admiration, and may even benefit from knowing that others find them or their partners attractive, but couples differ in their tolerance of flirtatious behaviour, and it is important to be alert to signs of discomfort or distress.
Research has also shown that men have a tendency to mistake friendly behaviour for sexual flirting. This is not because they are stupid or deluded, but because they tend to see the world in more sexual terms than women.
There is also evidence to suggest that women are naturally more socially skilled than men, better at interpreting people's behaviour and responding appropriately. Indeed, scientists have recently claimed that women have a special 'diplomacy gene' which men lack. Otherwise, light-hearted flirtation is both harmless and enjoyable.
In mate-selection flirting, there are two basic rules about who to flirt with that will increase your chances of success and reduce the likelihood of embarrassing rejections. Do initiate flirtation with people of roughly the same level of attractiveness as yourself?
This will give you the best chance of compatability. Most successful marriages and long-term relationships are between partners of more or less equal good looks. There is some leeway, of course, and other qualities are also important, but statistically, relationships where one partner is much more attractive than the other tend to be less successful. Studies have shown that the more evenly matched partners are in their attractiveness, the more likely they are to stay together.
But evaluating your own attractiveness may be difficult. Research has shown that many women have a poor body-image, and often underestimate their attractiveness. If you are female, the odds are that you are more attractive than you think, so try flirting with some better-looking men.
Men generally tend to be less critical of their own physical appearance than women. This is partly because standards of beauty for males are much less rigid than for females, and a wider variety of shapes and features are considered attractive. But it must be said that some men are also inclined to overestimate their attractiveness.
If you are a more honest male, and do not consider yourself good-looking, remember that most men lack expertise in the subtleties of social interaction, so polishing up your flirting skills could give you the edge over a more attractive rival. Don't flirt with people who are unlikely to return your interest.
Even if you are not looking for a long-term mate, you will enjoy flirting more with someone who is interested in you. So it makes sense to approach people who are likely to see you as at least a possible partner, rather than those likely to dismiss you as unsuitable. Evolution has favoured males who select young, attractive mates and females who select partners with power, wealth and status. Men therefore naturally tend to seek women who are younger than them and place greater emphasis on physical beauty, while women are more likely to favour older males with higher status and earning potential.
Women also tend to prefer men who are taller than them. Analysis of thousands of personal ads — where people are more explicit about their requirements, and more obviously conscious of the requirements of others — shows that these are the qualities most frequently demanded and offered by mate-seekers. Short, low-status males and older, less attractive females may therefore be a bit more restricted in their choice of potential partners, although there are many exceptions to this rule, and confidence and charm can outweigh apparent disadvantages.
In the How to Flirt section, you will find tips on how to tell immediately, even from across a crowded room, whether someone is likely to return your interest or not. How to flirt The first key to successful flirting is not an ability to show off and impress, but the knack of conveying that you like someone. If your 'target' knows that you find him or her interesting and attractive, he or she will be more inclined to like you. Although this simple fact has been demonstrated in countless studies and experiments, you don't really need scientists to prove it.
You already know that when you are told someone fancies you, or hear that someone has praised or admired you, your interest in that person automatically increases — even if it is someone you have never met!
Conveying that you like someone, and judging whether or not the attraction is mutual, clearly involves a combination of verbal and non-verbal communication skills. When asked about flirting, most people — particularly men — focus on the verbal element: In fact, the non-verbal element — body-language, tone of voice, etc.
Also, their non-verbal signals will tell you much more about their feelings towards you than the words they use. We show attitudes such as liking and disliking not by what we say but by the way we say it and the posture, gestures and expressions that accompany our speech. The customary polite greeting "pleased to meet you", for example, can convey anything from 'I find you really attractive' to 'I am not the slightest bit interested in you', depending on the tone of voice, facial expression, position and posture of the speaker.
Non-verbal flirting When a man and a woman meet for the first time, both are in a difficult, ambiguous and potentially risky situation. Neither person knows what the other's intentions and feelings are. Because stating intentions and feelings verbally involves a high risk of embarrassment or possible rejection, non-verbal behaviour becomes the main channel of communication. Unlike the spoken word, body language can signal invitation, acceptance or refusal without being too obvious, without causing offence or making binding commitments.
Women should be particularly careful when using signals of interest and attraction. Men already tend to mistake friendliness for flirting; if your signals of interest are too direct and obvious, they will mistake them for sexual availability. Eye contact Your eyes are probably your most important flirting tool. We tend to think of our eyes mainly as a means of receiving information, but they are also extremely high-powered transmitters of vital social signals.
How you look at another person, meet his or her gaze and look away can make all the difference between a successful, enjoyable flirtation and an embarrassing or hurtful encounter. Eye contact — looking directly into the eyes of another person — is such a powerful, emotionally loaded act of communication that we normally restrict it to very brief glances. Prolonged eye contact between two people indicates intense emotion, and is either an act of love or an act of hostility.
It is so disturbing that in normal social encounters, we avoid eye contacts of more than one second. Among a crowd of strangers in a public setting, eye contacts will generally last only a fraction of second, and most people will avoid making any eye contact at all. This is very good news for anyone wishing to initiate a flirtation with an attractive stranger.
Even from across a crowded room at a party, you can signal your interest in someone merely by making eye contact and attempting to hold your target's gaze for more than one second not too much more, though, or you will seem threatening. If these eye contacts trigger a smile, you can approach your target with some confidence.
If, on the other hand, your target avoids making eye contact with you, or looks away after a fraction of a second and does not look back again, you should probably assume that your interest is not returned. There is still the possibility that your target is just a very shy person — and some females may be understandably wary of signalling any interest in male strangers.
The only way to find out is by close observation of your target's behaviour towards others. Does she consistently avoid direct eye-contact with men? Does he seem nervous, anxious or aloof in his interactions with other women? If so, your target's reluctance to meet your gaze may be nothing personal, and it might be worth approaching, but only with considerable caution. Once you have approached your target, you will need to make eye contact again in order to strike up a conversation.
As soon as your eyes meet, you may begin to speak. Once a conversation begins, it is normal for eye contact to be broken as the speaker looks away. In conversations, the person who is speaking looks away more than the person who is listening, and turn-taking is governed by a characteristic pattern of looking, eye contact and looking away.
So, to signal that you have finished speaking and invite a response, you then look back at your target again. The person speaking will normally look at you for less than half this time, and direct eye contact will be intermittent, rarely lasting more than one second.
When your target has finished speaking, and expects a response, he or she will look at you and make brief eye contact again to indicate that it is your turn. The basic rules for pleasant conversation are: The key words here are 'glance' and 'brief': The most common mistake people make when flirting is to overdo the eye contact in a premature attempt to increase intimacy.
This only makes the other person feel uncomfortable, and may send misleading signals. Some men also blow their chances by carrying on a conversation with a woman's breasts, rather than looking at her face. Interpersonal distance The distance you keep from the other person when flirting is important, because it will affect his or her impression of you, and the quality of your interaction.
When you first approach an attractive stranger, having established at least an indication of mutual interest through eye contact, try to make eye contact again at about 4ft away, before moving any closer. At 4 ft about two small steps awayyou are on the borderline between what are known as the 'social zone' 4 to 12 ft and the 'personal zone' 18in to 4ft.
If you receive a positive response at 4ft, move in to 'arm's length' about 2ft 6in. The 'intimate zone' less than 18in is reserved for lovers, family and very close friends. If you are close enough to whisper and be heard, you are probably too close for comfort. These distance rules apply particularly in face-to-face encounters.
We will tolerate reduced interpersonal distances when we are side by side with someone. This is because when you are alongside someone, it is easier to use other aspects of body language, such as turning away or avoiding eye contact, to 'limit' your level of involvement with the other person.
You can therefore approach a bit closer than 'arm's length' if you are alongside your target — at the bar counter of a pub, for example — rather than face-to-face. But be careful to avoid 'intrusive' body-language such as prolonged eye contact or touching. You may also see 'barrier signals' such as folded or tightly crossed legs, or rubbing the neck with the elbow pointed towards you.
If you see any of these signs, back off! Finally, remember that different people have different reactions to distance. If your target is from a Mediterranean or Latin American country known as the 'contact cultures'he or she may be comfortable with closer distances than a British or Northern European person. North Americans fall somewhere between these two extremes.
Different personality-types may also react differently to your approach: Even the same person may vary in tolerance from day to day, according to mood: Posture Most of us are quite good at controlling our faces — maintaining an expression of polite interest, for example, when we are really bored to tears, or even nodding when we really disagree!
But we tend to be less conscious of what the rest of our body is doing. We may be smiling and nodding, but unconsciously revealing our disagreement by a tense posture with tightly folded arms. This is known as 'non-verbal leakage': When flirting, you should therefore watch out for signs of this 'non-verbal leakage' in your partner's posture — and try to send the right signals with your own posture.
Your partner's 'non-verbal leakage' can give you advance warning that your chat-up isn't working. Leaning backwards and supporting the head on one hand are signs of boredom. These are signs of attentiveness and interest or liking.
Experiments have also shown that females are more likely to tilt their heads to one side when they are interested in the person they are talking to.
Men should beware, however, of automatically assuming that these signs indicate sexual interest. Women should be aware of men's tendency to make such assumptions, and avoid signalling interest too obviously. Another positive sign is what psychologists call 'postural congruence' or 'postural echo': Mirror-image postural echoes — where one person's left side 'matches' the other person's right side — are the strongest indication of harmony and rapport between the pair.
When flirting, you can also use postural echo to create a feeling of togetherness and harmony. Experiments have shown that although people are not consciously aware of someone deliberately 'echoing' their postures, they will evaluate a person who does this more favourably. This technique obviously has its limits. We would not suggest, for example, that a woman in a mini-skirt should 'echo' the open-legged sitting posture of her male companion.
But if he is leaning forward with his left forearm resting on the table, she could create a sense of common identity by 'mirroring' this aspect of his posture — leaning forward with her right forearm on the table. In addition to these 'generic' signals of interest, there are specifically male and female posture signals which are often seen in flirtatious encounters. These tend to be postures which enhance the masculine or dominant appearance of the male, and the femininity of the female.
Males may adopt postures which make them appear taller, larger and more impressive, such as placing hands in pockets with elbows out to enlarge the chest, or leaning one hand at above shoulder height on a wall to appear taller and more imposing.
Females either adopt postures which make them look smaller, such as drawing the knees towards the body when seated, or postures which draw attention to physical attributes attractive to males, such as arching the back to display the breasts, or crossing and re-crossing the legs to draw attention to them.
Gestures As well as overall body posture, the gestures we use can signal interest, attraction and invitation — or discomfort, dislike and rejection. When flirting, it is important to be aware of these non-verbal cues, both in 'reading' your partner's body-language and in controlling the messages you are sending with your own gestures. In conversation, gestures are mainly used to enliven, clarify and 'punctuate' our speech, or to show responsiveness to what the other person is saying.
In a flirtatious encounter, the amount of gesticulation, the directions of the gestures and the co-ordination of gestures can indicate the degree of interest and involvement your partner feels towards you. Different cultures vary widely in the amount of gesticulation that accompanies their speech Italians say that you can silence an Italian by tying his hands behind his backand even within a single culture, some people naturally express themselves more through gestures than others.
Generally, however, someone who is interested in you will be more lively and animated in conversation, using more gestures when speaking in order to keep your attention, and more responsive gestures to show interest when you are speaking. When your partner is speaking, you can show responsiveness by nodding in agreement, throwing up your hands in surprise, bringing them together in a 'silent clap' of appreciation, etc.
Researchers have found that nodding can be used to 'regulate' conversations. If you make single, brief nods while your partner is speaking, these act as simple signs of attentiveness, which will maintain the flow of communication from the speaker. Double nods will change the rate at which the other person speaks, usually speeding up the flow, while triple nods or single, slow nods often interrupt the flow altogether, confusing speakers so much that they stop in their tracks.
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So, if you want to express interest and keep your partner chatting with you, stick to brief single nods. You can also watch for gestures which indicate anxiety and nervousness, such as hand-clasping movements and palm-rubbing. As a general rule, anxious gestures are directed towards the anxious person's own body known as 'proximal' movementswhile 'distal' movements, directed away from the body, are a sign of confidence.
As well as watching for these signals in your partner, you can control the impression you are making by using more confident, 'distal' gestures. As with posture, the greatest involvement and harmony is achieved when gestures are synchronised — when the movements of one person are echoed or reflected by the other. You may have noticed that this tends to happen naturally between people who like each other and get on well together. Watch pairs of lovers in a bar or pub, and you will see that they often tend to lift their drinks and take a sip at the same time, and that many of their other body movements and gestures will be similarly synchronised.
Psychologists call this 'interactional synchrony' or 'gestural dance', and some of their research findings indicate that the timing of matched gestures may be accurate down to fractions of a second.
Although this synchronisation normally happens without conscious effort, you can use it as a highly effective flirting technique.
Men should not assume that it necessarily indicates sexual interest, however. Women can avoid creating this impression by reducing synchronisation, adopting a more 'closed' posture and avoiding the use of gestures which are specifically associated with flirtatious behaviour. In experiments, female hair-flipping and head-tossing were among the non-contact gestures most often regarded as sexually flirtatious, along with repeated leg-crossing and movements designed to draw attention to the breasts.
Facial expression An ability to 'read' and interpret the facial expressions of your partner will improve your chances of successful flirting, as will awareness of what you are signalling with your own expressions. Some expressions can be effective even from a distance, as in the 'across a crowded room' encounter with a stranger.
The 'eyebrow-flash', for example, which involves raising the eyebrows very briefly — for about one-sixth of a second — is used almost universally as a long-distance greeting signal. When you see someone you know, but are not near enough to speak, the eyebrow-flash shows that you have noticed and recognised them. We all use this non-verbal "Hello! Watch a video of Andrew and Fergie's wedding, for example, and you will see that Fergie performs frequent eyebrow-flashes as she walks down the aisle.
Social etiquette does not allow a bride to call out cheery greetings to her friends and relations during the ceremony, but the highly sociable Fergie is clearly unable to refrain from signalling the same greetings with her eyebrows. If you are desperate to attract the attention of an attractive stranger across a crowded party, you could try an eyebrow-flash.
This should make your target think that you must be a friend or acquaintance, even though he or she does not recognise you. When you approach, your target may thus already be wondering who you are. You can, if you are skilful, use this confusion to initiate a lively discussion about where you might have met before.
Such conversations inevitably centre on possible shared interests or friends or habits, and invariably involve mutual disclosure of at least some personal information. As you will learn from the 'Verbal flirting' sections of this Guide, these are essential ingredients of successful flirting. So, assuming your target finds you attractive, an eyebrow-flash with appropriate follow-up could leapfrog you into instant intimacy.
Two warnings are necessary here: If your target is attracted to you, this may be more evident in facial expressions than in words. Studies have found that women are generally better than men at reading these expressions, but that both sexes have equal difficulty in seeing through people's expressions when they are controlling their faces to hide their real feelings. The problem is that although faces do express genuine feelings, any facial expression that occurs naturally can also be produced artificially for a social purpose.
Smiles and frowns, to take the most obvious examples, can be spontaneous expressions of happiness or anger, but they can also be manufactured as deliberate signals, such as frowning to indicate doubt or displeasure, smiling to signal approval or agreement, etc. Feelings can also be hidden under a 'social' smile, a 'stiff upper lip' or a blank, 'inscrutable' expression. Despite this potential for 'deceit', we rely more on facial expressions than on any other aspect of body language.
In conversation, we watch our companions' faces rather than their hands or feet, and rely on their facial signals to tell us what effect we are having, and how to interpret what they say.
Although people are better at controlling their facial expressions than other aspects of body language, there is still some 'leakage', and the following clues will help you to detect insincerity.
Let's say your target smiles at you. How do you know whether this smile is spontaneous or manufactured? There are four ways of telling the difference. First, spontaneous smiles produce characteristic wrinkles around the eyes, which will not appear if your target is 'forcing' a smile out of politeness.
Second, 'forced' or 'social' smiles tend to be asymmetrical stronger on the left side of the face in right-handed people and on the right side of the face in left-handed people. The third clue to insincerity is in the timing of the smile: Finally, there is a clue in the duration of the smile, as a manufactured smile tends to be held for longer what is often called a 'fixed' smile and then to fade in an irregular way.
When observing your target's facial expressions, it is important to remember that although an expressive face — showing amusement, surprise, agreement etc. Women naturally tend to smile more than men, for example, and to show emotions more clearly in their facial expressions.
You are also likely to interpret expressions differently depending on who is making them. Experiments have shown that people may read the same expression as 'fear' when they see it on a female face, but as 'anger' when it appears on male face. There are also cultural and even regional differences in the amount of emotion people express with their faces. Oriental people are more likely than Westerners to hide their emotions under a 'blank' expression or a smile, for example, and American researchers have found that in the US, Notherners smile less than people from the South.
If an attractive stranger smiles at you, it could be that he or she finds you attractive, but he or she could also be an outgoing, sociable person from a culture or region in which smiling is commonplace and not particularly meaningful. These factors must also be taken into account when considering the effect of your own facial expressions. People tend to be put off by levels of expressiveness that are considerably higher or lower than what they are used to, so it could help to try to 'match' the amount of emotion you express with your face to that of your target.
As a general rule, however, your face should be constantly informative during a flirtatious conversation.CINDY PRESENTS FLIRT
Unexpressiveness — a blank, unchanging face — will be interpreted as lack of interest when you are listening and an absence of facial emphasis when you are speaking will be disturbing and off-putting. You need to show interest and comprehension when listening, and to promote interest and comprehension when speaking, through facial signals such as eyebrows raised to display surprise, as a question mark or for emphasis; the corners of the mouth turning up in amusement; nodding to indicate agreement; frowning in puzzlement; smiling to show approval, or to indicate that what you are saying should not be taken too seriously, and so on.
Fortunately, most of these facial signals are habitual, and do not have to be consciously manufactured, but some awareness of your facial expressions can help you to monitor their effect and make minor adjustments to put your target more at ease, for example, or hold his or her attention, or increase the level of intimacy.
Finally, remember that your target is unlikely to be scrutinising you for tiny signs of insincerity, so a 'social' smile will be infinitely more attractive than no smile at all. Touch Touching is a powerful, subtle and complex form of communication.
In social situations, the language of touch can be used to convey a surprising variety of messages. Different touches can be used to express agreement, affection, affiliation or attraction; to offer support; to emphasise a point; to call for attention or participation; to guide and direct; to greet; to congratulate; to establish or reinforce power-relations and to negotiate levels of intimacy. Even the most fleeting touch can have a dramatic influence on our perceptions and relationships.
Experiments have shown that even a light, brief touch on the arm during a brief social encounter between strangers has both immediate and lasting positive effects. Polite requests for help or directions, for example, produced much more positive results when accompanied by a light touch on the arm.
When flirting, it is therefore important to remember that the language of touch, if used correctly, can help to advance the relationship, but that inappropriate use of this powerful tool could ruin your chances forever.
Although there are considerable differences between cultures in the levels of touching that are socially acceptable, and different personalities welcome different levels of touching, we can provide a few basic rules-of-thumb for first encounters with strangers of the opposite sex.
The first rule, for both sexes, is: Women are much less comfortable about being touched by an opposite-sex stranger than men, so men should take care to avoid any touches which may seem threatening or over-familiar. Men are inclined to interpret women's friendly gestures as sexual invitations, so women should be equally careful to avoid giving misleading signals with over-familiar touches.
This does not mean 'don't touch', as appropriate touching will have positive benefits, but touching should initially be restricted to universally acceptable areas and levels. As a general rule, the arm is the safest place to touch an opposite-sex stranger. Back pats are equally non-sexual, but are often perceived as patronising or overbearing. A brief, light touch on the arm, to draw attention, express support or emphasise a point, is likely to be acceptable and to enhance your companion's positive feelings towards you.
If even this most innocuous of touches produces a negative reaction — such as pulling the arm away, increasing distance, frowning, turning away or other expressions of displeasure or anxiety — you might as well give up now. Unless your companion is exceptionally shy and reserved, negative reactions to a simple arm-touch probably indicate dislike or distrust.
If your companion finds you likeable or attractive, a brief arm-touch should prompt some reciprocal increase in intimacy. This may not be as obvious as a return of your arm-touch, but watch for other positive body-language signals, such as increased eye-contact, moving closer to you, more open posture or postural echo, more smiling, etc. Your arm-touch may even prompt an increase in verbal intimacy, so listen for any disclosure of personal information, or more personal questions.
If you see or hear signs of a positive reaction to your arm-touch, you can, after a reasonable interval, try another arm-touch, this time slightly less fleeting.
If this results in a further escalation of verbal or non-verbal intimacy from your companion, you might consider moving to the next stage: Remember that a hand-touch, unless it is the conventional handshake of greeting or parting, is much more personal than an arm-touch. By touching your companion's hand, you are opening negotiations towards a higher degree of intimacy, so keep it light and brief: A negative reaction to your hand-touch, such as the non-verbal signals of displeasure or anxiety mentioned above, does not necessarily mean that your companion dislikes you, but it is a clear indication that your attempt to advance to the next level of intimacy is either premature or unwelcome.
A very positive reaction, involving a significant increase in verbal or non-verbal intimacy, can be taken as permission to try another hand-touch at an appropriate moment. Highly positive reactions to a second hand-touch — such as a definite and unambiguous attempt to move closer to you, reciprocal arm- and hand-touching, along with significantly more personal questions, more disclosure of personal information and more expression of emotion — can be taken as permission to proceed, with caution, to a higher level of intimacy.
The next stages might involve a hand-squeeze or hand-hold, repeated twice before moving on to an arm over the shoulders, or perhaps a brief knee-touch. Males should note, however, that positive reactions to any of these touches can not be taken as permission to grope.
You will have noticed that we advise performing each touch two times before progressing to the next level. This is because repeating the same touch, perhaps with a slightly longer duration, allows you to check that reactions are still positive, that you were not mistaken in your judgement that the touch was acceptable. The repetition also tells your companion that the first touch was not accidental or unconscious, that you are consciously negotiating for an increase in intimacy.