Meet the Parents () - Goofs - IMDb
Meet the Parents () Goofs on IMDb: Mistakes, Errors in geography, Spoilers Jump to: Audio/visual unsynchronised (2) | Character error (7) | Continuity (37) . In the water volleyball scene Greg's team is playing in water no higher than .. Trivia | Crazy Credits | Quotes | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks. [on tape] Hello, Jack. Oh, look at that. Nice Jack. Hi. What's that, Jack? What? You 're a big, bad C.I.A. man, huh? Did they teach you that [karate chops in front of. Ben Stiller so funny in Meet the Parents. love this pool volleyball scene. They are the people who have helped you in your problems, who have made.
Gosh, things have been going so great lately. I got in early on some wireless I. What about you, Greg? What line of work are you in? I'm in health care.
Yeah, so you know what I'm talking about. There are a lot of Benjamins to be made now with biotech stuff. I don't have to tell you that.
Meet the Parents quotes
You gotta strike while the iron's hot. Greg's a male nurse. That's great to give something back like that. I'd love to find time to do volunteer work. Just the other day I saw this golden retriever that-- He had like a gimp, and he couldn't really-- It made me feel terrible. I wish there was something I could do. Yeah, well, I get paid, but also it feels, you know, good too. So it's kind of an everybody wins. What are you-- You're like a Wall Street trader?
I mean, I'm willing to be painted with that brush. Yes, that's my day job. Okay, G-Man, we've got swordfish and we've got salmon, what'll it be? How 'bout a little of both, K-Dog, I'm pretty hungry. I think they call that the 'munchies'. Greg, sweetie, how you doing? Oh, just fine, considering I desecrated your grandma's remains, found out you were engaged and had your father ask me to milk him. At least back then he was still talking to me.
I can't believe you didn't tell me you were that close. Who, Daddy and me? No, Kevin and you. Do we have to know everything about each other's pasts? You never told me about your cat-milking days in Motown.
That was a long time ago, Pam. Yeah, okay, well, so was this. Kevin's and my connection was more physical than anything else. Like you worked out together? No, no, it was nothing, nothing. It was a stupid sexual thing. I'm gonna go throw up now. I got a half hour before I have to be back, so you wanna go have lunch?
I just love you so much. These last ten months have been the happiest of my life. Yeah, they've been amazing. I just-- I just-- I just feel like we're so close. You're my best friend, and you're also the woman that I love, and-- Are you okay, sweetie? You're acting so weird.
I just got a crick in my neck. I was doing C. Do you want me to massage your neck or something? No, no, no, I'm fine, I'm good.
Honey, look, your kids-- they're trying to tell you something. Oh, my God, you're getting married in two weeks. That's a little soon. Wow, Mom and Dad really don't know Bob very well.
Dad was okay with this? Well, Bob asked Dad. Wow, that was very thoughtful of him. I can't believe he knew to ask Dad's permission. He's gonna take me out for lunch. Okay, yeah, I know you gotta go.
Okay, talk to you soon. So what's going on? Debbie's marrying that guy? Yeah, in two weeks. Yeah, yeah, that's-- Didn't they just meet like a few months ago? Well, yeah, but, you know, he asked her, and she said yes. He asked my dad. Then he asked Debbie. Yeah, I overheard that. So, what, like he had to ask his permission? No, no, he didn't have to. Bob just understood that Dad appreciates that kind of thing.
Anyway, Deb said Dad's crazy about him. Evidently, Bob bought him, like, the perfect gift that just won him over. Are you sure it's okay to X-ray this? Yeah, it's not gonna mutate or anything. Hang on a second. The bag's too big, guy. You gotta check it. Raise your arms, sir. I've got an engagement ring for my girlfriend in the bag.
I can't open it here. Don't you think I can just carry it on? Hey, pal, if it ain't fittin' through the frame, you ain't carryin' it on the plane. It'll be waitin' for you on the other side. Baby, hurry Don't make me worry [Woman Over P. You lost my bag, and there's a two-carat diamond ring inside it. I didn't lose your anything, sir. But put your local address on this form, and we'll ship it when it surfaces. And what if it doesn't?
Am I supposed to spend the entire weekend I just thought you were gonna get them champagne. I think your dad is gonna be very psyched about this gift. Well, don't forget he's retired, though. The guy was in the rare-flower business for years. I think he still maintains an interest. You make it sound like they're really hard to please. No, not at all! He's the sweetest man in the whole world.
He's gonna love you. As much as he loves Dr. Take it easy on the sarcasm. Humor is entirely wasted on my parents.
What, are they Amish? What are you doing? I told you my dad sees smoking as a sign of weakness. Okay, all right, I'll leave 'em in the car. No, no, no, no, he'll check there. Yeah, the roof is probably a better idea. And, oh, uh, we're not living together. I thought you said you told him. I missed you so much, Pamcake. I missed you too, Flapjack. Mom, Dad, this is Greg. I'm Pam's father, Jack Byrnes. Great to finally meet you. Welcome to Oyster Bay. What are you driving there, a Ford?
Oh, yeah, it's a Taurus. We were gonna get a mid-size, but I figure, hey, we pull down decent bucks. Might as well go all out, pop for the full-size. Oh, no, the guy at the counter. Well, they say geniuses pick green. What smells of old sour milk? Oh, poor Greg got spit up on by a baby. Yeah, he did, Ma, at the lost luggage counter. The airline lost his bag. What about you, honey? Oh, no, no, no. It'll turn up, I'm sure. And anyway, Greg, meanwhile, anything you need, just ask.
Mi casa es su casa. Oh, now, Greg, you have a very unique last name. Um, we were curious, how do you pronounce it?
Oh, just like it's spelled. There's our little guy. Come to Daddy, Jinxy. This is Pam's cat, Jinxy. Jinxy, say hello to Greg. That took me another week. Pam, I didn't know you had a cat. Yeah, I left him here when I moved to Chicago.
Your daddy's found his new best friend. You won't believe it. He even taught him to use the potty. Dad, that's kinda weird, isn't it? Now we don't have to smell kitty litter all the time. How did you teach the cat to use the toilet? Oh, that was easy, Greg. I just designed a litter box to put inside the toilet, and then once he got used to it, I took it away.
But I don't think he likes it. I mean, every chance he gets, he tries to dig, squat and bury. I had to move all my potted plants off the floor. Plus, you got another guy around the house to leave the seat up. He can't lift the seat, Greg. He lacks the strength and the opposable thumbs. Opposable-- I didn't think about that. Jinx is strictly a house cat. Can't let him outside because he lacks outdoor survival skills.
One of those things, isn't it, sweetheart? I don't think Greg will be playing with Jinxy too much. I don't-- I don't hate cats. I just happen to be more of a dog lover. Well, that's okay if you hate cats, Greg. I don't hate cats at all. Just be honest about it. There's some things I hate. I-- I'm being honest. Honey, why don't we let the kids freshen up, huh?
Greg, you come with me. We'll get you something to wear from Jack's closet, okay? Oh, honey, honey, honey, honey. Hey, listen, be nice to this one, okay? I kinda like him. Shirt fit okay, Greg? Tom Collins coming up. Yeah, but you didn't have to tell them right when we met. It just kinda slipped out. Get your red-hot papooses. My goodness, what is that? Oh, that's just a little something from me. Look, honey, Greg brought us a present.
Oh, isn't that nice? Oh, look at this. It's a flower pot with the dirt in it. The bulb of a Jerusalem tulip. Which I was told is one of the rarest and most beautiful flowers in existence. Oh, right, right, the Jerusalem-- From the "Jerusales tulipesias" genus. Anyway, yeah, the guy said with regular watering, it should bloom in about six months, so-- Oh, we'll look forward to that, Greg.
I, uh, I recently got transferred to triage. Oh, is that better than a nurse? No, Mom, triage is a unit of the E. It's where all the top nurses work. Well-- No, they do.
No, Jack, not traditionally. Oh, Pam, honey, did you know that your father started his own business? Yes, I thought with my knowledge and experience, why should I allow retirement to stop me? I really admire that. So what is it? What's the new venture? Let me ask you a question, Greg. Let's just say you have kids So, you hire a baby-sitter, someone you think you can trust.
References, work experience-- it all checks out fine. But then how do you really know for certain I mean, can you ever really trust another human being, Greg? Sure, I think so. No, the answer is you cannot. Let me show you something. Take a look at this, Greg. What's this look like to you? Um-- [Squeaks] This looks like a teddy bear. Smile, you're on "Nanny Camera.
I've seen these things advertised on TV. Oh, no, not like this, you haven't. Where's the other camera? Right here in this decorative artifact.
Our cameras are motion-activated, so they begin taping as soon as they sense any movement. We can hide 'em in anything. We hide 'em in mirrors, lamps, televisions, you name it. So no matter where you go, we'll be watching you.
You know, invasion of privacy? Trust me, Greg, when you start having little Fockers running around, you'll understand the need for this level of protection.
Honey, I'll get it. Any problem with the documents? I'll meet you at the Oyster Bay Drugstore in about minutes. Now you gotta be more careful when you call here. If anybody else answers, just use a Southern accent We're all out of Collins mix, so I'm gonna make a run for the store.
I thought I just bought some. You know how that stuff-- it just goes, so I'll be back in a jiff. Well, why doesn't Greg go with you? Sweetie, you'll need something in case your suitcase doesn't show up. You don't wanna take a chance.
You don't have a toothbrush. Okay, unless you want some privacy. Why would I need privacy? No, I didn't think you would. Okay, let's head out. Have fun, you guys.
Pam, he seems wonderful. We have the best time together. Now, have you two been mm, mm, mm? Oh, thinking about anything permanent. Oh, I don't know. I mean, we haven't really discussed it, but I definitely have a feeling this is it. This car is-- You got-- What do you use?
Hey, you know, Jack, now that we have a second to talk, I just want you to know how much Pam means to me. I know-- I know that we haven't been together that long, but the time that we have spent together has been really incredible.
Greg, how come you don't like cats? I don't not like cats. I-l just-- I just prefer dogs. I mean, I'm just more of a dog kind of, you know-- Come home, wagging their little tails, happy to see you kind of-- You need that assurance?
You prefer an emotionally shallow animal? I-- You see, Greg, when you yell at a dog, his tail will go between his legs and cover his genitals, his ears will go down.
A dog is very easy to break, but cats make you work for their affection. You like Peter, Paul and Mary? I'm a big fan. Puff the magic dragon Dragon Lived by the sea Great song. Yeah, one of my favorites. Who would've thought it wasn't really about a dragon, huh? No, I don't know.
Why don't you tell me? Some people think that Well, Puff's just the name of the boy's magical dragon. Are you a pothead, Focker? No, no, no, no, Jack. No, I'm-- I'm not-- I-- I pass on grass all the time. I mean, not all the time. Yes or no, Greg? Hey, Greg, I'll meet you back out front in about Do you have any of those nicotine patches? We have the gum. And what's your most expensive bottle of champagne?
It's on sale for. You can get a whole bunch of Mumm's. I've been ready, yeah. They ran out of Collins mix. I grew up on a farm. Dankeschoen Get your hot buns, hot patooties. Wow, Dina, everything looks fabulous. It's such a treat for me to have a home-cooked meal like this.
Dinner at my house usually consisted of everybody in the kitchen What, there wasn't enough food to go around? We just never really sat down like a family like this. Oh, uh, well, Greg's Jewish, Dad. You're telling me Jews don't pray, honey?
Unless you have some objection. No, no, no, no, I'd love to. Pam, come on, it's not like I'm a rabbi or something. I said grace at many a dinner table.
O dear God, thank You. You are such a good God to us, a kind and gentle And we thank You, Osweet, sweet Lord of hosts You have so aptly lain at our table this day Day by day by day.
O dear Lord, three things we pray. To love Thee more dearly, to see Thee more clearly, to follow Thee more nearly Oh, Greg, that was lovely. That was interesting too. Oh, that's a-- that's a lovely vase. Let me guess, Jack. Is that one of your secret cameras too? Greg, that's an urn which holds the remains of Jack's mother. You didn't know, Greg. I'm-- That's our Gran-gran. We like to think of her as watching over us as we eat. Miss you every day. Oh, honey, why don't you read Greg your poem?
Oh, no, he doesn't want to hear that. You see, when Jack had to retire The doctor thought it would be therapeutic if he Honey, you wrote the most beautiful poem about your mother. Please, we really wanna hear it.
It's a work in progress. I'm still not happy with it. As soon as it's ready, then I am going to glaze it onto a plate So-So-- So much love, yet also so much information. Greg, would you like some yams? You must've had vegetables fresher than that, growing up on a farm, Greg. Dad, uh, Greg grew up in Detroit. He told me he grew up on a farm. In fact, Jack, I should clarify this. I didn't actually grow up The house we grew up in was originally erected So that, plus we had a lot of pets-- - Which one did you milk then?
Honey, he said he pumped milk. What have you ever milked? I milked a cat once. You wanna hear a story? My sister had a cat, and the cat birthed a litter of kittens. Must've been of them, and there was this one little runt I went in and just simply, you know, just-- into a little saucer, then took the saucer and fed it to Geppetto-- that's what I named him. I had-- I had no idea you could milk a cat. Oh, yeah, you can milk anything with nipples.
I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me? Okay, could we change the subject perhaps? I thought maybe we could celebrate with a little bubbly. Can you milk me? Would anybody care for a bottle of Oyster Bay Drug and Sundries finest champagne? That is so sweet of you, Greg. Isn't that a nice gesture? How could I have seen Debbie's ring, Mom? Well, when I gave Bob the okay to propose to Deb, I put him in touch with my diamond guy, and he picked out the same design Kevin gave you.
Kevin, your old boyfriend? Well, yeah, Kevin was Pam's fianc? Greg, sweetie, how you doing? Oh, just fine, considering I desecrated your grandma's remains, found out you were engaged and had your father ask me to milk him.
At least back then he was still talking to me. I can't believe you didn't tell me you were that close. Who, Daddy and me? No, Kevin and you. Do we have to know everything about each other's pasts? You never told me about your cat-milking days in Motown. That was a long time ago, Pam. Yeah, okay, well, so was this. Kevin's and my connection was more physical than anything else. Like you worked out together? No, no, it was nothing, nothing. It was a stupid sexual thing. I'm gonna go throw up now.
Kevin and I were only engaged for a month before I realized that I'd made a mistake, okay? I-l-l gave back the ring, I moved to Chicago, and I met and fell in love with you, okay, so can we please drop this?
I just feel like this is not going well at all. I feel like your dad hates me. He doesn't hate you, sweetie. Just give him a chance, all right? Maybe he's nervous too, huh? I thought he would love my gift, you know, being this big flower guy, but it's like he didn't even show the slightest bit of interest.
You are the most adorable, loving, sweetest man in the whole world, and I love you. And very soon my parents are gonna see that Must've been 8 of them, and there was this one little runt I went in and just simply, you know, just-- into a little saucer, then took the saucer and fed it to Geppetto-- that's what I named him. I had-- I had no idea you could milk a cat. Oh, yeah, you can milk anything with nipples. I have nipples, Greg.
Could you milk me? Greg, sweetie, how you doing? Oh, just fine, considering I desecrated your grandma's remains, found out you were engaged and had your father ask me to milk him.
Meet the Parents quotes Movie Quotes Database
At least back then he was still talking to me. I can't believe you didn't tell me you were that close. Who, Daddy and me? No, Kevin and you. Do we have to know everything about each other's pasts? You never told me about your cat-milking days in Motown. That was a long time ago, Pam. Yeah, okay, well, so was this. Kevin's and my connection was more physical than anything else. Like you worked out together?
No, no, it was nothing, nothing. It was a stupid sexual thing. I'm gonna go throw up now. Oh, look, somebody had a visit from the hair fairy. Nice 'do, nice 'do. I'll do the intros. Greg, this is my sister, Debbie. Nice to meet you. Oh, the bride to be. You can call me Bob These are his parents, Linda Banks.
And the world-famous plastic surgeon, Dr.