The Psychology Behind Love and Romance
Jan 30, “Have fun in your romance and remember that the more effort you put into your romantic relationship, the more love you will receive in return. Oct 13, Psychologist Zick Rubin proposed that romantic love is made up of While most people desire relationships that combine the security and. Sternberg () suggests that there are three main components of love: passion , intimacy, and commitment. Love relationships vary depending on the.
Furthermore, researchers as early as Charles Darwin himself identified unique features of human love compared to other mammals and credit love as a major factor for creating social support systems that enabled the development and expansion of the human species.
This would favor monogamous relationships over polygamy. Certainly love is influenced by hormones such as oxytocinneurotrophins such as NGFand pheromonesand how people think and behave in love is influenced by their conceptions of love. The conventional view in biology is that there are two major drives in love: Attachment between adults is presumed to work on the same principles that lead an infant to become attached to its mother. The traditional psychological view sees love as being a combination of companionate love and passionate love.
Passionate love is intense longing, and is often accompanied by physiological arousal shortness of breath, rapid heart rate ; companionate love is affection and a feeling of intimacy not accompanied by physiological arousal. Cultural views See also: Greek words for love Roman copy of a Greek sculpture by Lysippus depicting Erosthe Greek personification of romantic love Greek distinguishes several different senses in which the word "love" is used.
Ancient Greeks identified four forms of love: At the same time, the Ancient Greek text of the Bible has examples of the verb agapo having the same meaning as phileo. The term s'agapo means I love you in Greek. The word agapo is the verb I love. It generally refers to a "pure," ideal type of love, rather than the physical attraction suggested by eros. However, there are some examples of agape used to mean the same as eros. It has also been translated as "love of the soul. The Greek word erota means in love.
Plato refined his own definition. Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. It is easy for them to go from extremely happy to extremely dissatisfied or fearful, and this practically keeps them from being happy in their partners and in their relationships.
Traits and Quirks of a Manic Lover The manic lover usually has a low self-esteem, and sees the attentions of someone else as validation of his worth or existence. This results in a very strong and almost consuming need to be loved by his partner. The manic lover can be very possessive, and is the type to let extreme jealousy take control, driving rational thoughts and actions away. Therefore, he is often seen as moody, bipolar, unpredictable and insecure.
The manic lover has a strong tendency to be clingy and very demanding, even resorting to shadowing and stalking their partners, and force them into showing emotions and reciprocating their feelings. They justify their actions by saying that they love that person. The manic lover almost expects to be hurt or feel pain, and this fatalistic attitude holds them back from enjoying intimacy with their partner.
Advantages of Manic Love Manic love involves a show of dedication, devotion and commitment that some people may feed off of. For example, a person who has always spent his life alone, without being needed by anyone, may appreciate being on the receiving end of a manic type of love. The intensity of manic love can be quite impressive in how single-minded it can be.
Disadvantages of Manic Love When manic love turns into obsession, it could set up a poisonous environment for the couple, one tinged with distrust and suspicions. Fights and arguments are bound to ensue, which does not make for a harmonious living environment, both for the partners and the people around them. Manic lovers have the tendency to become codependent and addicted on the object of their affection, with their life choices revolving around their partners.
Manic lovers can be easily taken advantage of by Ludic lovers, who will readily show appreciation for them as long as they fall in line with the rules of their game. Pragma There are people who prefer to be practical and realistic in their approach to all things in life, including love. Thus, they experience love that combines the features of ludos and storge. Their approach is ludic, in that they treat the process of looking for partners as a business-like search.
They cast their nets wide, catch as many partners as they can, and select from among them the person that they can have a future with. That is where the storge part comes in. Pragmatic lovers use logic in how they look for a life-long partner. They do not rely on their physical responses and hormones — as eros lovers do — and they do not have the patience to establish friendships first — as pure storge lovers do — before pursuing a deeper and meaningful relationship.
Their systematic approach also makes them far from being manic. The pragmatic lover has a specific picture in mind of what his lover should be like, and that will be his basis in going forward with his search for that person. Usually, he will be strict, sticking to those standards, and readily rejecting those that do not quite match up. Sexual desire and interest is usually aroused only when they meet the ideal man or woman, or the person that meets his standards.
This means that sexual attraction does not rank high on his list of priorities. Even if he does not feel any attraction for that person, if his standards are met, then they can work on the sexual side of things later on. More than romance, convenience is the focus of pragmatic love. They have expectations of their partners and of their relationship, and they want these expectations to be met.
Their goals have to be common or complementary in order for him to consider her as a potential lifelong partner. Traits and Quirks of Pragmatic Lovers The pragmatic lover can be quite cold when rejecting partners that do not meet the criteria or standards that they have previously set. This may lead him to look for a potential partner among his circles, or from those who he is already familiar with. Advantages of Pragmatic Love Since this is grounded on practicality and reality, a relationship based on pragmatic love has higher chances of lasting for a long time.
This is because emotions do not play a huge part in how it is developed and nurtured. When done right, it can result to a fruitful and productive relationship.
Disadvantages of Pragmatic Love Just like in business, a relationship founded on pragmatic love may turn sour when the business partners are no longer pulling their weight, so to speak.
If, somewhere along the way, their goals have become differentiated, or the other partner has become a burden to the other and is no longer contributing to the partnership, the relationship may go down the drain.
There is a chance of the pragmatic lover becoming manic.
Having a predetermined or preconceived notion of Mr. Agape This type of love, which is based on selflessness, is said to be a mix of eros and storge.
When we talk of unconditional love, or the love that is altruistic and does not demand or expect anything in return, that is agape love. This is considered to be love in its purest form, with the lover being selfless and willing to make sacrifices for the one that he loves.
This is the reason why it is also often equated with the religious or traditional type of love. Agape love is chaste and patient, and does not demand for any form of reciprocation. Lee added that agape love is easier to feel for all humanity in general than for an individual. This is almost like saying that it is impossible for a person to feel unconditional love for a certain someone. Traits and Quirks of an Agape Lover The agape lover is selfless, without regard to his pain as long as the person he loves is in excellent hands.
He is also very giving, even at his own expense. The agape lover is compassionate and kind, emulating an almost saintly devotion that most people would be impressed with but will still probably scoff at, and not take seriously. There is no jealousy, possessiveness or obsession in how the agape lover treats his partner. He is more than happy to just be beside her or behind her, whenever and wherever he needs her. Agape love can inspire the lover to seek for self-improvement.
If he lacks in the sex department, he will show ready willingness to learn. If he lacks in other areas, he will not hesitate to seek improvement. Disadvantage of Agape Love The agape lover may be opening himself up to being taken advantage of by other lovers, especially the ludic and manic lovers. Unrequited love or unreciprocated affections tend to become exhausting, painful and even toxic after a while, and the agape lover may just be torturing himself knowing that he will never have his affections answered.
This will make for a very lonely existence, indeed. The risk is very high that the agape lover will be nothing more than a carer in the eyes of the recipient of his affections.
Here is an interesting summary of our main feelings. Love being one of them.
He came up with the Duplex Theory of Love, called as such because it is comprised of two theories, which were used to be treated separately — the Triangular Theory of Love and the Theory of Love as a Story.
Triangular Theory of Love According this theory, love has three aspects manifested by three components that react and interact with each other. Intimacy, which refers to the caring, closeness, connectedness and emotional support within a loving relationship.
The Psychology of Love: How to Love and Be Loved
Passion, or the states of physiological and emotional arousal that lead to romance and sexual consummation and satisfaction, and other related phenomena. Commitment or Decision, where these two are differentiated by the outlook. Commitment takes the long-term view, referring to the commitment to maintain the love in a relationship. Decision, on the other hand, is short-term oriented, since it involves the conscious choice and recognition of loving someone.
The interaction of these three components can come in various combinations, with one or two aspect being more pervasive than the others, and vice versa. The varied combinations of the components result in eight kinds of love: Non-love — This type of love is low on all three components: It is what one would see between two casual acquaintances, such as lab partners at school, professional co-workers, and business partners.
The Psychology of Love: How to Love and Be Loved
Liking — In this type of love, there is only one component at play, and that is intimacy. Both revel in their closeness and connectedness, and they greatly count on each other for emotional support. An example is the relationship between people involved in group therapy or counseling. They share their pains and experiences, but that is all there is.
Infatuation love — Passion is the only component at work here. This is something commonly seen in purely physical or sexual relationships, where there no emotions involved and, therefore, no strings attached. Empty love — This involves commitment and nothing else. This is often seen in marriages entered into for purely business reasons.
Romantic love — This is high on both intimacy and passion. Physical attraction is present, and their emotions are also involved. However, it does not necessarily mean they will readily admit and decide that they are in love, and that they will keep that love going.
Companionate love — This is when both are emotionally involved with each other, and they are keen on keeping their love going for the long term. Best friends have this kind of love, especially when they openly express to make their friendship last forever.
Fatuous love — The love they feel is mostly based on how they connect on a physical and sexual level, and they use that to commit to staying together in a relationship they can see lasting for a long time. Consummate love — This is the type of love that has all three ingredients, regardless of the ratio or proportion.
Humans are naturally observant, and they easily draw conclusions from those observations, so they take all the things that they learn about love in all the stories they are exposed to, and they start to mentally draw a picture of what love is.
Thus, when they start to look for love for themselves, or seek partners, they use that picture they drew in their head as a basis or standard. For example, a young woman grew up in a loving family, with parents that do not hesitate to express their affection for each other.
She was raised reading fairy tales, with stories of princesses living happily ever after with their respective princes. As an adult, she also witnessed her older siblings making great matches in their marriages and watched as they started their own families. All these painted in her mind the image of love being associated with shared laughter and loving smiles, warm hugs and soft caresses, and bright airy homes with white picket fences. This is her notion of love. Compare that to a teenage girl who grew up reading young adult books featuring fantastical creatures such as vampires and werewolves fighting over a human girl, or handsome fallen angels coming to earth to save a damsel in distress.
In her mind, love is when a mysterious and incredibly great-looking man appears in front of her and sweeps her off her feet.
Culture, media, and experiences shape how we come to define and understand love. Often, we make our own stories, which gives us carte blanche to come up with our own definitions of what love is, or what it should be.
Knowing those three components and being able to identify them in the realities of your relationships will help you identify what kind of love it is. Love is built on top of these circuits, with one key area of difference being in the striatum. This area of the brain is typically associated with the balance between higher- and lower-level functions.
Kissing helps us choose Two new studies of kissing have found that apart from being sexy, kissing also helps people choose partners—and keep them. In a survey, women in particular rated kissing as important, but more promiscuous members of both sexes rated kissing as a very important way of testing out a new mate. The researchers found a correlation between the amount of kissing that long-term partners did and the quality of their relationship.
Couples look more similar after 25 years together People who live with each other for 25 years may develop similar facial features. This may be because of similarities in diet, environment, personality or even a result of empathising with your partner over the years.
Long distance relationships can work Contrary to the received wisdom, long distance relationships can work, according to new research.
Two factors that help keep long distance relationships alive are that these couples: Tell each other more intimate information. Have a more idealised view of their partner.