I Had to Tell My Husband I Have Herpes | HuffPost Canada
My long-term partner has genital herpes. the fact that about six per cent of new attacks of HSV happen in people in stable relationships. I have nc for this, I'm a regular, and post on here under a different name. Have been diagnosed with herpes this week. 30 years old, DP Genital herpes is one of the most common sexually transmitted want to lay the groundwork for a happy and healthy long-term relationship.
I said she was wasting her time but to swab away since she was already down there. I wasn't worried about the insurance deductible. If she wanted to rule out herpes, fine by me. On that day, I'd have bet everything in my bank account that I did not have herpes.
Relationships | American Sexual Health Association
A week later, I was back on the exam table watching her speak the words "you have herpes. My reaction was disbelief, then panic. My husband and I have been together for nine years. I've never cheated or even been tempted. I've never had a sliver of doubt that my marriage wasn't deeply rooted in fidelity. This didn't make sense. Logic and order are important elements of my make up. I remember every detail about this moment as my scrambled brain tried make this make sense.
Phrases like "that's impossible" and "this is some kind of mistake" tumbled from my mouth. The doctor handed over the Kleenex box and launched in to a clinical explanation of herpes. I heard about every third word. I know herpes isn't exactly rare. Stats say one in five people carry some form of the virus.
It's not deadly and while not curable, it's manageable. If someone had told me I had herpes 15 years ago, it wouldn't have surprised me as much. It still would have sucked but honestly, there are times I can dimly recall taking unnecessary risks.
I never had a high "body count" but my mind shot back to that guy I slept with on vacation when I was I can't remember his name now. I tried to remember every time I'd thought "maybe we should use protection" with the ex I've long since lost touch with. My spinning brain struggled to recall each sexual encounter from my distant past as I listened to the doctor spit out words like "outbreak" and "Valtrex.
She said I might never have another outbreak or that I might get them monthly. As my mind raced to figure out how and when, she gently told me herpes was blameless and that my husband or I had probably had it for quite some time and just not known. It's natural to want to blame, right?
If we can point to how or when, then things make sense. This didn't and my mind struggled to process most of what she was telling me. I tried not to lose my shit but it was close. I held back only by crushing the Kleenex box in my hands. I don't like taking pills but I no longer trusted my own body because I like to be in control, perhaps too much. I didn't feel in control here. I left armed with a prescription and a pile of literature.
I felt an overwhelming, illogical urge to throw everything in the trash; pretend this wasn't happening and run.
I was afraid to tell my husband. After driving around for an hour, I went home. I thought I'd give this a chance to sink in and talk to my husband about it when I felt more collected. I walked in the door, took one look at him and became completely unhinged. Naturally, he thought I'd had a car wreck or someone had died and went outside to inspect the van for dents while I sat on the couch blubbering and shredding Kleenex. You want to feel confident and knowledgeable before you can explain the infection to someone else.
Be prepared with information from ASHA and other reliable sources. Once you feel ready to open the discussion, you might want to look for logical ways to broach the subject. Sometimes public service announcements about sexual health or subjects closely related can open doors to discussions about herpes. So even though a movie trailer seems to provide the perfect lead in, a crowded theater is probably not the best venue.The Truth Behind A Long Term Relationship!!
A few tips to consider: You are not lecturing or confessing. Remember your delivery and body language becomes your message, too. Expect your partner to be accepting and supportive. People tend to behave as you expect them to. You can role-play with a friend and try out some conversation starters. How Will a Partner React? Whatever happens, try to be flexible.
Remember when you first found out? It took you time to adjust, too. And, you may want to reconsider a relationship where you have to do all the emotional work.
A safer sex discussion might help you find out if this partner is a good candidate for your love and attention. A few people are going to react negatively. Remember, these people are the exception not the rule. If a partner decides not to pursue a relationship with you because you have herpes, it is best to know this now.
- I Had to Tell My Husband I Have Herpes
- The Emotional Side of Genital Herpes
There are many people who will be attracted to you for who you are—with or without herpes. Most people react well. They appreciate your approach, honesty and maturity in addressing an important health issue.
The Emotional Side of Genital Herpes | Everyday Health
Remember to put herpes into perspective: What if a Partner Has Herpes? In a new relationship there is always risk. Usually this risk is emotional. When a partner has herpes, there is additional risk that you could get it, too.